I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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