i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
