i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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