Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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