I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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