Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
