They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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