Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
