I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
