There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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