Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
