...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
