this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
