3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
