honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
