mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
