party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
