You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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