I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
