you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
