Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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