Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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