And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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