to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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