I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Slut skills are useful in every country.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
