he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
