My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
In America we eat man semen.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They took my balls.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
