You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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