If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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