How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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