its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The air was thick with penises
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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