3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i would punch a child for taco bell
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
