I cannot find my penis.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
