Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
