I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
