Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
