it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
