i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
