Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
