Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
