You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
