I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
