I love black thongs
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
