She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
