can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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