he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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