Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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