I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
