You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
