ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
