Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
