How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
