What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
