The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
