She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
