Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
