Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
